My manager asked me every 20 minutes if I needed to go to the hospital because she was the safety lead on our floor and wouldn't be having any babies born there. I would just roll my eyes and tell her I wasn't going to a hospital anyway to give birth, which just freaked her out more. I worked a 10 hour shift and got off at 10 pm. I was deflated because I just wanted my baby already! And other than being uncomfortably 9 months pregnant in July I didn't feel like much was going on.
I plopped myself down in bed when I got home from work and right before trying to fall asleep I told Joe that I hoped I would at least be able to get some sleep. It was the 24th of July, which in Utah is considered to be July 4th the second so there were fireworks a plenty going off. Not even 10 minutes later I felt what I can only now describe as what seemed like someone reaching into my stomach to try to tear it out.
Joe and I had taken a hypnobirthing class a few months before which encouraged the partner to be there in labor to help with the relaxation techniques practiced in class. I didn't wake Joe up because a) I figured he should sleep a little bit and b) it is literally impossible to wake up Joe. He did eventually wake up to my moans a few hours later. He tried to be supportive and spew some hypnobirthing things but I was like, um ya you are gonna need to go away now.
The only thing that felt semi-ok was to sit on the toilet. So there I was for about 7 hours. Occasionally I would try to move somewhere else -I think at one point I got in the tub, cursed loudly, and smelled essential oils - but everything was terrible and I just wanted to sit on the toilet some more.
Around 6 am I finally called my mid-wife Adrienne to tell her that everything was horrible and awful and I'd like to stop now please. She asked some questions that I really can't remember, maybe if I knew if my water had broke. Which I didn't know as I had been sitting on the toilet probably when it happened. She said some encouraging words and told me to take a shower, eat or drink something, and try to get some rest and call her in 2 hours. I thought this was bull shit but was like whatever. Looking back I must have held it together pretty well on the phone because she didn't think I was far enough along to go to the birth center. There were a few first time moms in the weeks before this that ended up spending 12+ hours in labor at the birth center, which is not really ideal for anyone.
I'm not really sure where Joe was or what he was doing while I was toilet-sitting, but he kept anxiously coming into the bathroom where I would tell him to leave again. He kept telling me to call Adrienne again but I was adamant for some reason that we should wait for 2 hours. I finally called her again after maybe an hour and a half and got her mid-wife friend who said Adrienne went for a quick run and would call me back soon. I don't know what I did until the call back, probably sat on the toilet some more, but when she called me back all I could say was, "must..come..to...birth...center..now.please", so she said she would meet me there ASAP.
I called my mom to come to the birth center, then called her back to tell her to come to my house instead first, I'm not sure why I did this as she lives 25 minutes + away. Joe was running around putting together snacks and pillows and other items I had put on a list beforehand. I was just thinking maybe I can stay here on the toilet forever? My mom got there and seemed concerned by my condition and told me I needed to move and get in the car like 2 hours ago.
The birth center we chose was a straight shot 40 blocks down from our apartment on 9th east in Salt Lake. All I can say to the city of Salt Lake/Murray is REPAVE 9TH EAST PLEASE. That is a seriously bumpy road, made only more apparent when a human head is being expelled from your body. Also Joe later told me as we were driving there the check engine light went on in the car but he thought it would be best not to say anything about it until later.
When we got there I was ushered into the birth center. The birthing suite is on the 2nd floor, so in the elevator I just kept asking if I could please sit on a toilet. The birth assistant Eva took me into the birthing suite's bathroom and said she would get some pillows for me to lean against. Adrienne came into the bathroom and said "oh let me just check you real quick,.... oh ok then maybe let's have you move to the birthing stool".
Despite my complete lack of zen hypnobirth trancing throughout labor, once I was on the birth stool I zoned out into this out-of-body-but-so-tuned-into-my-body state of mind. It kinda trips me out just thinking about it again. Joe was behind me supporting the weight of my upper body, and Adrienne had placed yoga blocks under my feet to ground me, which gave me this feeling that I was just floating there. I wholly endorse feeling like you are floating while giving birth.
I pushed for about an hour. I only pushed when I felt my body urging me to. I got into a rhythm that felt so primal and automatic. I remember I kept looking at the ceiling and just thinking is this really happening?
I had prepared for the act of giving birth for months and months. I had become fascinated with how my society most commonly portrays birth using negative imagery and experiences. I read many books, articles, studies, and anecdotal birth stories via blogs. I was shocked at the caesarian section rate in the US and overall cost of a birth compared to other countries. I was drawn to hypnobirthing and the philosophy that fear and tension in the uterine muscles could be the cause of pain and lead to other complications to an otherwise normal birthing experience. Mostly I loved the idea of having a calm atmosphere for my baby to come into the world in.
I had been very anxious in the weeks leading up to my due date. Is everything I've been doing to prepare complete shit and am I going to freak out and have to go to the hospital? This was only worsened when the Sunday before I gave birth, Joe's mom told me her first baby's umbilical cord had been only like an inch long so you never know what you're getting into. :/ But I decided I better commit to what I wanted so anytime those ideas would come into my head I would just start to repeat positive birthing affirmations that I had come up with during our hypnobirthing class. I have always found affirmations to be somewhat silly and contrived, but they really came through for me this time. I had written the ones that resonated with me most on little pieces of paper and put them on walls in my house, the bathroom mirror, in random drawers to find, and been repeating them for months. In those final weeks of my pregnancy when the nattering crazy lady inside me would start up on all of the things that could go wrong, repeating my affirmations shut her right up.
And there I was, floating on a birth stool, with an actual human's head halfway out of me pondering if this was real life. I could definitely feel pressure, but my mind wasn't registering searing pain or anything of the like. I'm really grateful that I was able to give birth in a safe place where everyone respected what my body was doing and didn't try to interfere with the process or tell me to push when I wasn't ready or things like that.
I really couldn't have told you if it had been 10 minutes or 10 hours, but I was snapped out of my trance when my darling little gooey baby was suddenly placed against my chest screaming her sweet little head off. Those next few minutes are a blur of happiness. I was losing quite a bit of blood so I got a shot of pitocin and was shivering, but still had my little Olive girl on my chest. We moved to a nice bed a few feet away where they wrapped us both up in warm blankets and we practiced breastfeeding right After we had snuggled and successfully latched on both sides, it was time for Olive to be weighed and measured and time for me to get in the shower with the help of a very lovely birth assistant named Renee. I was very lucky to have no tearing and no need for any stitches. They say this is common for hypnobirthing and I could not be more grateful!
After snuggling in bed as a family for about 4 hours, we loaded up Olive in her car seat and were home by 3 pm.
If you are on the Wasatch front I highly recommend the birth center and taking Debbie Gordon's Hypnobirthing class. Her website is below :)
http://nurturinginstincts.com/
http://www.utahbirthcenter.com
Oh I love snuggly babies!
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